Laura's Journey. . .

I have ranted before on here about being positive (see Rants and Raves) and how it drives me crazy.  It seems like when one has cancer they lose the right to complain you know?  People say you’re “being negative”, how insensitive is that?

I am reading a very thought-provoking book, and I have to say, I agree with a lot of what the author has to say so far and I am intrigued.  The book is “Bright-Sided” by Barbara Ehrenreich and she has put positive thinking under a microscope.  Her and some other credible folks think we need to think “clearly” and not brush off everything to “be positive”, this has led the “positive-thinkers” to call her and those like her,  Negatives.  Has our culture gone so far overboard with thinking everything can be solved by “thinking positive?”   And that anything outside of it is negative?

I’m half-way through the book and someone asked me if I was now one of the “Negatives” (read the book and you’ll understand); well, you know me, I’m an upbeat kind of a person, but I ALSO believe in honoring your feelings.  I advocate for people to share their stories and let it out, but somehow people equate showing less then stellar emotions as being negative and I think that is ridiculous.

By people spouting “be positive” “think positive” they disrespect a person’s feelings.  It’s like our society doesn’t allow you the right to be mad or sad – you’re suppose to stuff those feelings way down and just be Pollyanna Sunshine and no more is this apparent then when you have cancer.

When I was going through treatments, I heard some stupid stuff: “if you think positive you’ll get better” or “maybe you caused this because of your feelings” or the one I hate the most is “maybe God is trying to tell you something.”   My response has always been “no it is a DISEASE and a hard one at that.”  “My thinking didn’t cause the cancer nor is it a punishment from God for past behaviors, IT IS A DISEASE.”  Then I go on to say I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone and that I got through it, but it was a hard road to hoe…

The other thing I dislike about this whole “positive” thinking especially around cancer, it makes having cancer ok and that totally pisses me off. We are making cancer “cute” “acceptable” and this is NOT OK!  Check out fightpink.org – they are totally against the “pinking” of cancer because it makes cancer cute.  Being positive glosses over facts and some facts of life we need to pay attention to, change it , learn from it or be prepared for it – being “positive” about everything does not honor yourself or your feelings, especially those hard feelings that we all face during cancer: grief, anger, fear… these feelings are not negative, they are real and they are a part of us.  We all find ways to deal with it, and one of those ways is to share your story, honor your story, feelings and all.

So I don’t consider myself a “Negative” as much as a person who advocates for letting those hard feelings out and this is not negative, I think it only becomes “negative” when you let it take over your life, hurt yourself or others or when you stuff your feelings.  So maybe I’m a Realist who doesn’t believe you can “positive-think” everything away, but this in no way makes me a negative person.

Check out the book, see what you think.