Howdy folks 
it has been a long time since I have posted, but something has come up this week while I have been emailing back and forth with friends, that I decided I had to come out of semi-hibernation/retirement to post again.
I have been wondering how folks are doing, and been wondering if they are like me, doing pretty good, but still tired, still very forgetful, still taking tons of medications, and easily irritated…- I have been wondering if my irritation is making me rumble more than usual and if my irritation is making me dissect words…
Before cancer, isn’t that funny, BEFORE CANCER, how that term has become a part of my life, sigh… Words like Pink, Warrior, Survivor, Thriver, weren’t even on my horizon, I didn’t even give them two seconds of thought, and now AFTER CANCER, they irritate me to no end…
I’ve been trying to figure out what it is that makes me so irritated with these words, and I think it is because they are not adequate to describe what a woman or man deals with when diagnosed with cancer. I wrestled with these words for quite sometime, and I’m not able to pinpoint what irritates me so much about these words – maybe because they were not in my volcabulary BEFORE, now they are everywhere. Maybe because I hate labels, and people slap labels on me at a drop of a hat once they find out I had cancer…
Pink has always irritated me, and I’ve written about it before but now I have found a website that succinctly describes why it was irritating me – it is because people are making money off of breast cancer, and that is just not right (http://www.fightpink.org/).
I also think Pink makes breast cancer “cute” “oh look at that cute pink ribbon water bottle” “oh look at that cute pink warrior t-shirt” “oh look at that cute pink survivor “ LOL I absolutely cannot stand how when I wear a pink shirt or vest, people think I’m doing it because I had breast cancer, arggghhhhhhh! I wear pink coz it is a cool color to wear!
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that we have symbols so I’m not knocking pink ribbons mind you, I’m just knocking how this pinking of breast cancer seems to make it acceptable…blah. Cancer should never be acceptable in any shape or form. I think this “pinking” is making it acceptable to be another “statistic” in this long-battle with Breast Cancer…
As I try to transition from PATIENT to SURVIVOR, I also find I’m irritated with being called a “survivor,” noooo, I’m Laura, a mother, a friend, a coworker, a Tlingit Woman, who faced a disease that I wish no one had to face. I faced a disease called CANCER, and it’s treatments KICKED MY BUTT, but I’m still Laura, a mother, a friend, a coworker, a Tlingit Woman.
I wish I had an answer, I wish I had words that would help me make peace with all of these words that have become associated with cancer, but I don’t, I’ve been pinked and survived to the point where I’m having problems trying to think outside the box…
Breast Cancer sure has made me thoughtful… and a little more irritable… jiminy.
ways of doing things, a little slower, a little more forgetful, a little more thoughtful. Cancer and chemotherapy has impacted me in ways that I was not expecting. I’m more thoughtful for one thing, I’m more thoughtful about how I spend my time, I’m more thoughtful about what causes I throw my energy in, I’m more thoughtful about God, and I’m more thoughtful about me. 
I didn’t like myself, I was so unsure of myself, I was depressed and I didn’t want to do nothing. And after living in this state for almost 2 years, it has become like a bad habit that I’m trying to break; welll, I’m almost there 
Thank you my friends, I wish you strength, wellness and peace, as we now move into our “new normal” way of doing things; I have been honored and blessed by your words.
I started this morning because I don’t know about you Girlfriends (and occasional guy friends who stop by), as soon as I open my eyes I start making a to do list of everything that has to get done today, which leads me down a rabbit hole. Anyhoos, instead of having it in my head, I now dump it out on paper and forget about it. It is kind of fun and I’m going to do it for the next 30 days, see if it’ll help me focus and make my brain shut-up about cancer and treatments! Time to think about creating instead 
Today I went in to get Zometa, blah, BUT, there was a mistake! Woo-Woo! I showed up to my oncologist’s office and was kind of on the edge because I didn’t want to do Zometa, and after being there for about an hour and a half (they were very busy and then I also had a doctor visit for about a half of it), it was discovered that I was not suppose to do Zometa today! WOO-WOO! It was like a snow day, a holiday, a surprise birthday party all rolled up in one and I boogied my butt right out of there! WOO-WOO!
What to do, what to do… I am tired of dealing with cancer treatments. This week is Zometa week 
Quality of life versus Zometa/Arimidex, what to do what to do…
Welllll, I want to regain my health again, so 3 weeks ago I joined WW online – I cannot do face-to-face meetings, it is funny how this last year and a half of cancer treatments made me not want to be around groups, especially groups of people who may not understand what the true definition of hell is… anyhoos, I like the online system, it has all these cool techy toys and I love techy toys 
