Everyone is affected by chemotherapy and radiation differently, this goes without saying, but I’m saying it again. Why? Because one of the things I truly wish I KNEW and UNDERSTOOD was how these treatments were going to affect MY MENTAL ABILITIES.
I thought I could keep up with full-time work and 3 classes, NOT! Once again, I had to withdraw from 1 class a month ago, failed another class today, and have been keeping my head afloat in the other.
I knew at some level that I was having problems with thinking, but I kept thinking I could pull my way through this, I can do it, I ALWAYS do! Little did I know, that my “super powers” couldn’t save me now, I needed to admit I couldn’t keep up, I needed to realize that the exhaustion and not being able to focus was something I had NO CONTROL over, and trying to do my classes like nothing was wrong, was WRONG for me to do.
I needed to accept that I HAD LIMITS and there was something wrong with my thinking, my ability to focus, and that it was ok to slow down. It was OK to SAY I CAN’T DO IT…
I needed to make peace with these limits, ACCEPT THAT I HAD LIMITS BECAUSE OF CANCER, INSTEAD OF TRYING TO ACT LIKE I WAS STILL THE SAME, and push myself until I failed…
Lesson learned, and a hard one at that!
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