Laura’s Journey. . .

15 Herceptins Down and only 2 to Go!

This isn’t a rant or rave I reckon, but I have been wondering…

Cancer treatments, surviving cancer, is called a life altering experience, and some how, we survivors are to come out “wiser” for the experience…

Yes it does change you and I have changed, jiminy, I’m a slug compared to last year, and for a short while, I was giving Uncle Fester a run for his money and I was thinking “deep” thoughts LOL so ding dong I did change, but it wasn’t my choice, it happened and I had to learn to adapt to it…

I know at one point, I was believing that I’m suppose to be “something” or do “something” or be “deep” – deep in what I didn’t know   So I felt like I musn’t be “feeling” the experience like I was suppose to (I know, toopid eh?), but what the hey?  You hear of the fantastic things people accomplished or did during cancer and you can’t help but think you’re suppose to do something spectacular too because you are such a changed wise woman

Now I have always fought for causes all my life, I’ve always been a cut-up, motivated, resilent, smart, oh did I forget good-looking?   Cancer did slow me down a tad though, and hopefully that will not be a permanent adjustment, but it didn’t change what I believe in or turn me into a saint or devil if you will.  The meds from cancer treatments messed with me too, but it didn’t change my values.

I also already knew I was going to do something to help others through cancer, because that’s the way I am – I was this way before I had cancer, but I felt like I was suppose to do something “more” or deep do you know what I mean? You hear about cancer survivors on tv all the time about how they did something spectacular like make cancer sexy, or how they raised a jillion dollars blah, blah.  All of this is fine and good because WE ALL HAVE TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THROUGH THIS AND GET THROUGH IT STILL INTACT, but it doesn’t mean you are going to come out the other side some “patron saint of cancer” (sorry folks, don’t know how else to put that, should I have said, you aren’t going to come out the other side like Lance you know who?)

As the not ranting continues:  I have started reading a book called “five lessons I didn’t learn from breast cancer (and One Big One I did)”, and on page 10 of her book, she states the following and I can so relate:

“Breast cancer didn’t change who I was; it confirmed who I was.  What was important to me before was still important to me after.  My core values not only didn’t change because of breast cancer, they are what got me through it.  I am who I am.  I am who I always was…”

This makes so much dang sense!  Yes Cancer Treatment Picks You Up and Throws You Down!  But it is still You in there bouncing back up, isn’t that friggin great?  Isn’t it great to know that it comes from within you, and that you don’t have to make cancer sexy or ”be blessed from such a gift” or turn into the patron saint of pink?  Surviving cancer is GREAT ENOUGH!  And you can be a cranky ol’ fart if that’s what gets you through it I reckon

Yes, cancer was a major interruption to my life, and it did change my thinking about a few things, and taught me a few good lessons that would have been nice to learn another way but it didn’t change who I am and it did help me become more focused, but I am still the same person, maybe with just a few more wears and tears, but still the same. Hugs

p.s. Only 2 more Herceptins, Halleuiah!  I cannot wait to be done and not be so dang achy!!